Positive thinking isn't denial; it's the accurate realization that we don't know everything and therefore, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE...

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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Narrating My Life

Wow, So much to say and not sure where to start.

After years of just "mind" narrating what is going on I think I will write down every aspect.

You see, when I do just about anything or everything, I feel as if there is a narrator in my head.

It is very bizarre.

If you have ever seen the movie with Will Ferrel "Stranger Than Fiction" you may know how I feel.

I just feel like every mundane thing I do it seems exciting, because I am narrating it.

for example:

Heidi walks into the Laundry room, feels frustration when she sees the pile of clean clothes that needs to be put away. Not only frustration with that but the fact there lies a pile of clothes that don't fit the kids anymore and she must go through them. A sigh is let out and the thought crosses her mind "I am the only one that does this" thus, this is where frustration stems from. Then of course the thought, the kids are growing up fast where has time went?

Remembering each piece of clothing when each child has worn it.

Not only has frustration set in but then guilt. Guilt can hit you upside the head like a caveman beating his wife. A wife that he convinces that she is his and she has no way out. Helpless. Damn that guilt

Frustration. Guilt.

There is a Window in the laundry room. The window is open to let in the fresh air. Heidi Looks toward the window and notices
The curtain sails back when the wind blows, the screen that is broken "breaths" In and out., Almost as if the house is alive reminding her she is not the owner.

Grabbing a wet shirt out of the wash to hang, the wind blows again, and the curtain blows up . Heidi takes a deep breath as the crisp spring air and the clean laundry marry together
to create a moment.

To create a fragrant natural high. A moment of warped happiness. In her mind any way. this was her one moment, her one moment where she would feel happiness with out strings attached. No guilt, no frustration. This was the few brief moments where spring and clean laundry could make one happy.

Her Mind quickly goes back to frustration as her hand reaches back into the wash to hang up more clothes.

Going back to frustration.

It was obvious that fabric softener was not put in the wash Because the shirt was stiff and wrinkled. She began to wave it around before hanging on a hanger. Heidi Grabbed a plastic hanger out of the 'hanger basket' (plastic hangers are the only kind Heidi will own, she saw Mommy Dearest one two many times ~so no wire hangers here)

She buttoned the top button of the shirt to insure when it dried the collar would not fall flat to the sides when put on.While Heidi was doing all of this..

lets start writing in the margin of our lives and books. Feelings are not bad things.

This is the Real Me and NOT Narrative Heidi.

I think We (I) Heidi, compensate for things in life. For Example. When we are jealous. The fact is the feeling is "why can't I?"

but instead of going to that, lets (i) Move to why we (I) feel the way WE (I) do. Lets get in touch with our feelings.

lets find words to express us (I).

for example.

(this is not made up but I thought i had. It may seem simple and stupid, but a feeling of being able describe a moment a time of the year)

You know the hot summer days. The days where the humidity is so high. Even when you just had a shower it feels as if it did not take?
then you go outside.
You are only outside for a matter of minutes. Decide to walk back in your house. As you open the door a blowing of UN-natural frigid air hits your face. The sweat on your face quickly evaporates. The bangs and sideburns of your hair gently blow back. then you feel COLD! How could you feel cold when minutes ago you were outside, and would have sworn that you were in the pits of a sauna?

I know I have just rambled. But I really want to open up a dialog. Communicate. I know I am not the only one that over feels or over thinks. OR MORE SO, NARRATES ONE LIFE!
Lets chat with ourself!
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