Today Was a Ferris Bueller day...I played outside in the yard...
How can I possibly be expected to sew and make dollies on a day like this?
I haved included all of the best quotes to jog your memory :)
Ferris: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
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Cameron: I am not going to sit on my a*s as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it.
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Cameron: I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Sloane: College.
Cameron: Yeah, but to do what?
Sloane: What are you interested in?
Cameron: Nothing.
Sloane: Me neither!
Cameron: [to Ferris, who's singing on the parade float] YOU'RE CRAZY!
Sloane: What do you think Ferris is gonna do?
Cameron: He's gonna be a fry cook at Venus!
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Sloane: He's gonna marry me.
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[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
Cameron: [screams]
Sloane: Ferris! Get off of the float!
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Ferris: Hey, Cameron. You realize if we played by the rules right now we'd be in gym?
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Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.
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Sloane: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris: [to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away?
[beat]
Ferris: Neither would I.
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[Cameron doesn't want to go out, but Ferris keeps calling]
Cameron: He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What - I'LL GO.
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Ferris: I'm so disappointed in Cameron! Twenty bucks says he's in his car right now debating on whether or not to go out.
Cameron: [Cameron's in his car] He'll keep calling me. He'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is - Alright I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, alright I'll go. Sh*t!
[Turns the engine on then turns it off and hits the passenger seat]
Cameron: God D*mn it!
[Turns the car on and revs it up]
Cameron: Ahhhhhh! Sh*t!
[Gets out of the car]
Cameron: That's it!
[Paces behind the car and jumps up and down in frustration]
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Jeannie: In a nutshell: I hate my brother.
Boy in Police Station: That's cool. Did you blow him away or somethin'?
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Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: Why'd you kick me?
Ferris: Where's your brain?
Cameron: I asked you first.
Ferris: How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney is there with her?
Cameron: I said for her to be there alone and you freaked.
Ferris: Now, I didn't hit you. I lightly slapped you.
Cameron: You hit me. Look don't make me participate in your stupid crap if you don't like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And-and-and then, and then, you deliberately hurt my feelings.
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[a baseball game is on television]
Ed Rooney: What's the score?
Pizza Joint Owner: Nothin' nothin'.
Ed Rooney: [not really listening] Who's winning?
Pizza Joint Owner: The Bears.
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Ferris: If you're not over here in fifteen minutes, you can find a new best friend.
Cameron: You've been saying that since the fifth grade.
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Jeannie: [thinking to herself] Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Ferris isn't such a bad guy. After all, I got a car, he got a computer. But still, why should he get to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants? Why should everything work out for him? What makes him so goddamn special?
[spoken]
Jeannie: Screw him.
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Economics Teacher: In 1930, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, in an effort to alleviate the effects of the... Anyone? Anyone?... the Great Depression, passed the... Anyone? Anyone? The tariff bill? The Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act? Which, anyone? Raised or lowered?... raised tariffs, in an effort to collect more revenue for the federal government. Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The Laffer Curve. Anyone know what this says? It says that at this point on the revenue curve, you will get exactly the same amount of revenue as at this point. This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980? Anyone? Something-d-o-o economics. "Voodoo" economics.
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Ed Rooney: I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
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Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land...?let my Cameron go!"
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Cameron: Ferris Bueller, you're my hero.
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Economics Teacher: Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?
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Shermanite with Jersey: Who's he talking to?
Blond Sherminite: Ferris Bueller, you know him?
Shermanite with Jersey: Yeah, he's getting me out of Summer School.
[pause]
Shermanite with Jersey: I hope he doesn't die. I can't handle summer school.
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Maitre D': [grabs ferris on the shoulder while he grabs the phone in the resteraunt] All right, I've had enough of this
Ferris: [Ferris is annoyed] You touch me I yell rat!
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Ferris: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
Cameron: How?
Ferris: We'll drive home backwards.
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Cameron: [Ferris slowly pulls the Ferrari out of the garage] No, Ferris. I'm putting my foot down. You're just gonna have to think of something else.
[Ferris keeps driving]
Cameron: Ferris! We could call a limo! One of those stretch jobs with the TV and the bar. How about that?
Ferris: [Ferris pulls the car back slightly] Come on. Live a little!
[Cameron crosses himself, walks to the car]
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Ferris: Hi. Do you speak English?
Garage Attendant: Uh, what country do you think this is?
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Sloane: The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris: Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron: I think I see my dad.
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Cameron: Okay Ferris, can we just let it go, please?
Sloane: Ferris, please. You've gone to far. We're going to get busted.
Ferris: A: You can never go too far. B: If I'm gonna get busted, it is *not* gonna be by a guy like *that*.
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Ferris: [after arguing with the Maitre'd] A- You can never go too far. B- If I'm gonna get busted, it is not gonna be by a guy like that.
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Grace: Oh, Ed. You just sounded like Dirty Harry just then.
Ed Rooney: Really? Thanks, Grace.
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Ferris: [describing Cameron's house] The place is like a museum. It's very beautiful and very cold, and you're not allowed to touch anything.
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Ferris: Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
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Boy in Police Station: You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears too much. People think she's a whore.
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Maitre D': You're Abe Froman?
Ferris: That's right, I'm Abe Froman.
Maitre D': The Sausage King of Chicago?
Ferris: [caught off-guard] ... Uh yeah, that's me.
Maitre D': Look, I'm very busy. Why don't you take the kids and go back to the clubhouse?
Ferris: Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am?
Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris: Snooty?
Maitre D': Snotty.
Ferris: Snotty?
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Ferris: Cameron, what have you seen today?
Cameron: Nothing good.
Ferris: Nothing - wha - what do you mean nothing good? We've seen everything good. We've seen the whole city! We went to a museum, we saw priceless works of art! We ate pancreas!
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Shermerite: [a student is walking around with a can collecting money] Save Ferris? Save Ferris?
[Solicits Jeannie]
Shermerite: Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Excuse me?
Shermerite: Well, a group of us are collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. Save Ferris?
Jeannie: Go piss up a flagpole.
Shermerite: I'm sorry?
Jeannie: You should be.
[Knocks the can out of his hand]
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Ed Rooney: Between grief and nothing... I'll take grief.
Sloane: Great.
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Economics Teacher: Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone: Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
Economics Teacher: Thank you, Simone
Simone: No problem whatsoever.
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Grace: Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
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[calling the police about an intruder]
Jeannie: There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen... M-my-my-my name is Bueller...
[pause]
Jeannie: Look, it's real nice that you hope my brother is feeling better, but I'm in danger, okay? I am very cute, very alone and very protective of my body. I don't want it violated or killed, all right? I need help! Speaka de English? D*CKH**D!
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Boy in Police Station: Drugs?
Jeannie: Thank you, no. I'm straight.
Boy in Police Station: I meant, are you in here for drugs?
Jeannie: Why are you here?
Boy in Police Station: Drugs.
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Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.
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Ferris: I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, "I don't believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people.
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Ferris: [Ferris is calling Cameron at home] Cameron, babe, what's happenin'?
Cameron: [Cameron lying in bed underneath covers] Very little.
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Ferris: The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.
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Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion.
Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.
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Garage Attendant: You guys got nothing to worry about, I'm a professional.
Cameron: A professional what?
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Ferris: Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
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Ed Rooney: Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.
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Singing Nurse: I heard that you were feeling ill. Headache, fever, and a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, cause I'm the nurse who likes to...
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Ed Rooney: How would you feel about another *year* of high school? Under my close personal supervision.
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Sloane: Mr. Rooney... Ed... you're a beautiful man. I want to thank you for your warmth and compassion.
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Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it?
[pause]
Ferris: Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a nasty spill down the stairs and subject myself to further school absences. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!
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Ed Rooney: I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him.
Grace: Well, with your bad knee Ed, you shouldn't throw anybody... Its true.
Ed Rooney: What is so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is he gives good kids bad ideas.
Grace: Mmm-hmm.
Ed Rooney: Last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. He jeopardizes my ability to effectivley govern this student body.
Grace: Well, makes you look like an ass is what he does, Ed.
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[Calling her mother's office]
Jeannie: Well, where is she? This is her daughter.
[pause]
Jeannie: Do know where she is?
[pause]
Jeannie: Well, do you know when she'll be back?
[pause]
Jeannie: Do you know anything?
[slams down receiver]
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Maitre D': I weep for the future.
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[On the phone]
Ed Rooney: Are you also aware, Mrs. Bueller, that Ferris does not have what we consider to be an exemplary attendance record?
Katie Bueller: I don't understand.
Ed Rooney: He has missed an unacceptable number of school days. In the opinion of this educator, Ferris is not taking his academic growth seriously. Now I've spent my morning examining his records. If Ferris thinks that he can just coast through this month and still graduate, he is sorely mistaken. I have no reservations whatsoever about holding him back another year.
Katie Bueller: This is all news to me.
Ed Rooney: It usually is. So far this semester he has been absent nine times.
Katie Bueller: Nine times?
Ed Rooney: Nine times.
Katie Bueller: I don't remember him being sick nine times.
Ed Rooney: That's probably because he wasn't sick. He was skipping school. Wake up and smell the coffee, Mrs. Bueller. It's a fool's paradise. He is just leading you down the primrose path.
Katie Bueller: I can't believe it.
Ed Rooney: I've got it right here in front of me. He has missed nine days...
[His computer screen begins counting down from nine to two. Ferris is at home looking at the same screen]
Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?
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Ferris: Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like sh*t, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work.
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Katie Bueller: I just picked up Jeannie at the police station! She got a speeding ticket, another speeding ticket, and I lost the Vermont deal because of her!
Tom Bueller: I think we should shoot her.
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Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
[Ferris caresses the car in admiration]
Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand!
Ferris: [ignoring Cameron] Wow.
Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper!
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[after hearing Jeannie describe her problems... ]
Boy in Police Station: There's someone you should talk to.
Jeannie: If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose a testicle.
Boy in Police Station: Oh, you know him?
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Maitre D': I'm suggesting that you leave before I have to get snooty.
Ferris: Snooty?
Maitre D': Snotty.
Ferris: Snotty?
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Cameron: [in disguised voice] Pardon my French, but you're an a**hole! A**hole!
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Cameron: [Whispering to himself after hanging up from a phone call with Ferris] I'm dying.
[Phone rings, and Cameron answers]
Ferris: (over the phone) You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.
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Ferris: Four thousand restaurants in the downtown area, I pick the one my father goes to.
Cameron: We're pinched, for sure.
Ferris: Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive.
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[after making a horrible noise with a clarinet]
Ferris: Never had one lesson!
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[On the phone]
Ed Rooney: I'm very sorry, Mr. Peterson...
Cameron: [disguised voice] Call me sir! Godd*mn it!
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Ferris: I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.
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Ferris: [In a sing-song voice] Do you have a kiss for daddy?
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[Ferris has snuck aboard a parade float]
Ferris: Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we'd like to play a little tune for you. It's one of my personal favorites and I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today - Cameron Frye, this one's for you.
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Jeannie: I can't drive when you're yelling at me! STOP IT!
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Ed Rooney: Ed Rooney.
Cameron: [disguising voice as George Peterson] Ed. This is George Peterson.
Ed Rooney: How are you today, sir?
Cameron: [voice disguised] Well, we've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard.
Ed Rooney: Yeah I heard, and man, I'm all broken up, boy, what a blow.
Cameron: [disguised] Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, it's been a tough morning and we got a lot of family business to take care of, so if you wouldn't mind excusing Sloane, I'd appreciate it.
Ed Rooney: Uh, yeah, sure, no I'd be happy to, yeah you, uh, you you just produce a corpse, and uh, I'll release Sloane. I wanna see this dead grandmother first hand.
Grace: Ed?
Ed Rooney: It's alright, Grace, it's Ferris Bueller the little twerp. I'm gonna set a trap and let him fall right in it.
Grace: Ooh!
Cameron: [disguised] I'm sorry, Ed, did you say you wanted to see a body?
Ed Rooney: Yeah, that's right, just, uh, roll her old bones on over here, and I'll dig up your daughter. You know that's school policy.
Cameron: [disguised] Oh.
Ed Rooney: Was this your mother?
Cameron: [disguised] Uh, no my wife's mother.
Grace: [picks up ringing phone] Ed Rooney's office.
Ferris: Hi this is Ferris Bueller, can I speak to Mr. Rooney please? Thank you.
Grace: [caught off-guard] Uh... hold.
Ed Rooney: Tell ya what, dipshit. If you don't like my policies you can come on down here and smooch my big ole' white butt.
Grace: ED!
Ed Rooney: Pucker up butter-cup.
[to Grace]
Ed Rooney: What?
Grace: Ferris Bueller's on line 2.
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Ferris: Don't worry about it, I don't even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.
Cameron: Oh, thanks.
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[hearing a fake phone message]
Sloane: [crying on machine] We can't come to the phone right now. We've had a... death in the family.
Ed Rooney: Grace, Ferris Bueller is behind this. There is no doubt in my mind, and now, he's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing.
Grace: Her grandmother, too.
Ed Rooney: You pinhead.
Sloane: [sobbing] If you need to reach us, we'll be at the following number...
[sobbing becomes hysterical and over the top]
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Cameron: Hey batta batta batta hey batta batta batta SWING batta!
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Sloane: What could happen to it? It's in a garage.
Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, scratched, breathed on wrong... a pigeon could shit on it! Who knows?
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[Ferris kisses Sloan passionately while posing as her father]
Ed Rooney: So THAT's how it is in their family...
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Boy in Police Station: What's your name?
Jeannie: It's Jean, but most guys call me Shauna.
Boy in Police Station: Bye Jean.
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Ferris: [after the end credits] ... You're still here? It's over!
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Ferris: [Hiding on the floor of the taxi while his father is in the car next to him] What's he doing?
Sloane: He's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.
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Cameron: [while kicking his father's car] Who do you love? Who do you love? You love a car!
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Ferris: It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.
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[the guys just notice the "additional miles" on the car]
Ferris: [to the audience] This is the part where Cameron goes berserk.
Cameron: Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
[Cameron's screams can be heard all across Chicago]
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Attendant's Co-Pilot: [having gotten away with taking the priceless 1961 Ferrari 250 GT California on a wild joyride] Yeah, man, we gotta' do this again!
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Sloane: Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo.
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Cameron: [fake answering machine message] You have reached the Coughlin Brothers Mortuary. We're deeply sorry we are not able to come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as humanly possible.
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Grace: [a while after the first time Rooney yelled at "Sloane's Dad"] Peterson home on line one. And watch your mouth this time.
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[Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are in a taxicab. Ferris and Sloane are kissing]
Cameron: It's getting late, buddy. We better go get the car back home.
Ferris: We have a few hours. We have until 6:00.
Cameron: I'm sorry. I know you don't care, but it does mean my ass.
Ferris: You think I don't care?
Cameron: I KNOW you don't care.
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Cameron: [voice disguised as Sloane's father, George Peterson] Well, I should say you DO owe me an apology, Rooney! You just mind your P's and Q's, buster, and remember who you're dealing with!
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Ferris: If anyone needs a day off, it's Cameron. He has a lot of things to sort out before he graduates. Can't be wound up this tight and go to college, his roommate will kill him.
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English Teacher: [speaking very slowly] In... what... way... does the author's use of the prison
[takes chalk and draws prison bars through the word 'prison' on blackboard]
English Teacher: symbolize the protagonist's struggle, and how does this relate to our discussion of the uses of irony?
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Ferris: [to camera] Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass in two weeks you'd have a diamond.
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Ferris: [to the camera, after tricking his parents into believing he's sick] Incredible, one of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.
[opens blinds to reveal a beautiful spring day]
Ferris: How can I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this?
[begins fiddling with electronics to fake his voice]
Ferris: This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably going to have to barf up a lung, so I better make this one count.
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Ferris: [while running home, Ferris runs past two bikini-clad sunbathers, then returns] Hi, how you doing? I'm Ferris Bueller.
