Homecoming Flash Backs...1989 & 1991

 

Well as promised homecoming pics from when I was a freshman, and for good measures threw in a Jr. Homecoming pics too..., can't remember if I went to the Sophomore dance or not, I know I did not go to the Senior dance though...

I didn't have a mouth full of metal like I thought, must have gotten my braces out before that..wow that was long 2 years wearing those.

I found the Jr. pics in old scrap book I use to keep....

Flashback Friday 

will continue maybe next friday? Stay tuned

until then rock the helmet hair (1989) and the Sally Jesse Raphel Glasses..(1991).( even owned red frames!  always had to wear glasses, thought I would rock it with every color I could own....)

Any Town USA ~INDEPENDENCE DAY

A Toilet Paper Testimony

A Toilet Paper Testimony 

A few weeks back we were in a tight spot.  Payday was still more then a week away and I had nothing on ebay.  

We only had one roll of toilet paper left.  

My husband had taken a paid vacation day off so we could get some things done.  One of the things we needed to do is re-apply at the food pantry.  (not only do we volunteer there, we are clients too..)

Hubby had taken in the needed paperwork and when he left the lady gave him a 4 count package of toilet paper. (note, He did not say we needed toilet paper..she just gave it to him)

When hubby came home I saw the toilet paper and was like "PRAISE GOD!!" I told him we were on our last roll.

Now, this toilet paper was the off brand of the off brand, it was not soft, it was thin. You almost had to make a "catchers mitt" to wipe yourself and then it  clogged our toilet. But it was better then using leaves I thought

almost a week later and payday was still 3 days a way, we had one roll left.

Now, this was not magic toilet paper and it  did not keep on multiplying as the sheets were being used. 

God Knew we needed this off brand, cheap, thin rough toilet paper to last us until we had  the funds to buy decent toilet paper.

Then I started to think about the Israelites in the desert.  How God humbled them and fed them,  How their clothes did not wear out and how their  shoes grew with their feet. (Deuteronomy 8:3-5)

were the Israelites happy that they had to wear the same clothes, shoes and eat the same food for 40 years?  God had to bring them to a place were they completely depended on Him.  God provides all of our needs according to his riches and Glory (Philippians 4:19)

They were Humbled.

Then on a Thursday I had gotten a pattern order, one of the first things I did was run out and got a package of the softest toilet paper I could buy!!

So last week when I was doing some major couponing/shopping I loaded up on Toilet paper.  I bought 5 big packages.  I felt comfort having all of my soft toilet paper.

Fast Forward to this week.

It came to my attention that a family I know has a need for some household items and food.  I know this is a need I can meet for this family.

So yesterday I began getting a care package together.  Filling it with food and couple of household items.

I had just bought a 10 count package of paper towels and put 2 rolls in the care package.

I asked God what else I should give.  I saw my toilet paper...I have ONLY ONE PACKAGE LEFT.... I was like God, how about I just give another roll of paper towels...

God reminded me how he met my need.  Now, I don't know if this family needs the toilet paper or not, But I Know i should give this toilet paper. 

If God Knows how many hairs are on my head (Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30)  THEN HE KNOWS HOW MANY SQUARES I NEED!!

I ain't gonna worry..I know God has my backside

Another Year, Another Dance.......

 

Well it is a New year..and Happy 2013 to all.  With all of the sickness it has been hard to enjoy Christmas Break.  Hence My tree will stay up longer.

With another New year came another dance for Gabby.

all of the pictures are a wee bit blurry...but her beauty still shines though.

there is one pic that  I took that looked like me..(100 pounds lighter and 25 years younger...)

at any rate..WOW!!

When I was a kid and my dad would get me on the weekends, he would have to do various jobs and I would tag along.

Everyone would says "Danny, she looks just like you."  

Daddy would reply.."poor girl"

Now that Gabby is almost the spitting image of me all  I can say is "poor girl"

but she looks just like me....

I hope she says one day...

"mirror mirror on the wall

I am NOT MY MOTHER

after all"  

as a parent you want your kids to do better then you!!!

12.12.12 @ 12:12

AND THIS IS MY 212 POST........

I Hear the Secrets that you Keep, While You Are talking (EATING) In your Sleep.....

No Not the songs by the Romantics.

 but it does fit me well almost...

the Secrets that I keep While Talking In my Sleep...

(more like the things I do I am told...)

Braid My hair....

Stretch as if i am doing Yoga  


and this morning when I woke there was a swiss miss pudding cup, a yoplait yogurt and a baby bell cheese wrap by my bed side.....


I seem to like to eat in my sleep...

the conversations seem to be kept at a minimum because after hubby tries to talk to me I say...I guess I was dreaming......

I don't remember a thing, however I was not hungry at all today.....

17 Years....Happy Aniversary

17 years...who what have thought it would have lasted this long?

No One I think.

I think with my devout devotion to I never wanted to get a divorce since my Mom had 4,i think that  had something to do with it.

Was this the happiest day of my life?

NO

I was sick as a dog.  I was with pregnant with Christopher and morning sickness was not kind to me.

Michael and I got Married just 3 weeks after we announced we were going to get married.

My Mom was less then Happy...she wasn't ready to be a grandma....and suggested an abortion would be the best thing.

The preacher said we either get married or give the child up for adoption.

Adoption is something I did not want to do either.


Hence, Michael and I got Married.


I wore a borrowed brides maids dress, borrowed jewelery, and shoes.
My husband bought a tie. (this is one and only of a hand full of times I have seen him wear a tie and TUCK HIS SHIRT IN...the tie was returned after the wedding..)

My own Mom  said she was not going to attend because she did not have anything to wear....but yet she did attend and she was the only one wearing white.  I have not included the pic of my Mom and Us, she was always against our Union

my flowers for the whole wedding cost 30 dollars.

the reception was potluck.  I could not even eat a bite. Being so sick, most of my time was spent in the bathroom trying to throw up the banana I had for breakfast.


our pictures were done by a friend, my eyes are squinty most of the time from puking between pics...

we never even exchanged rings....I wore his mother ring that Seb gave to Constance (it has since been pawned to pay for bills...)

we never had a Honeymoon..and after 3 kids not even a family vacation....


but here we are still 17 years later.

I think the best part of the wedding when "Rushing Wind" A song by Keith Green was sung.

"Rushing wind blow through this temple,

Blowing out the dust within,

Come and breathe you breath upon me,

I've been born again.


Holy spirit, I surrender, take me where you want to go,

Plant me by your living water,

Plant me deep so I can grow.


Jesus, you're the one, who sets my spirit free,

Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me.


Separate me from this world lord.

Sanctify my life for you.

Daily change me to your image,

Help me bear good fruit.


Every day you're drawing closer.

Trials come to test my faith.

But when all is said and done lord,

You know, it was worth the wait.


Jesus, you're the one, who set my spirit free,

Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me.

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

Blowing out the dust within,

Come and breathe you breath upon me,

For I've been born again."

I have seen alot of big weddings and engagements and shortly after they are divorced....

but here we still stand!!! 

"I am so in love with you Honey even though we don't have a lot of money.."

Yes its true, I am so Happy to be stuck with You..."

Narrating My Life

Wow, So much to say and not sure where to start.

After years of just "mind" narrating what is going on I think I will write down every aspect.

You see, when I do just about anything or everything, I feel as if there is a narrator in my head.

It is very bizarre.

If you have ever seen the movie with Will Ferrel "Stranger Than Fiction" you may know how I feel.

I just feel like every mundane thing I do it seems exciting, because I am narrating it.

for example:

Heidi walks into the Laundry room, feels frustration when she sees the pile of clean clothes that needs to be put away. Not only frustration with that but the fact there lies a pile of clothes that don't fit the kids anymore and she must go through them. A sigh is let out and the thought crosses her mind "I am the only one that does this" thus, this is where frustration stems from. Then of course the thought, the kids are growing up fast where has time went?

Remembering each piece of clothing when each child has worn it.

Not only has frustration set in but then guilt. Guilt can hit you upside the head like a caveman beating his wife. A wife that he convinces that she is his and she has no way out. Helpless. Damn that guilt

Frustration. Guilt.

There is a Window in the laundry room. The window is open to let in the fresh air. Heidi Looks toward the window and notices
The curtain sails back when the wind blows, the screen that is broken "breaths" In and out., Almost as if the house is alive reminding her she is not the owner.

Grabbing a wet shirt out of the wash to hang, the wind blows again, and the curtain blows up . Heidi takes a deep breath as the crisp spring air and the clean laundry marry together
to create a moment.


To create a fragrant natural high. A moment of warped happiness. In her mind any way. this was her one moment, her one moment where she would feel happiness with out strings attached. No guilt, no frustration. This was the few brief moments where spring and clean laundry could make one happy.



Her Mind quickly goes back to frustration as her hand reaches back into the wash to hang up more clothes.

Going back to frustration.


It was obvious that fabric softener was not put in the wash Because the shirt was stiff and wrinkled. She began to wave it around before hanging on a hanger. Heidi Grabbed a plastic hanger out of the 'hanger basket' (plastic hangers are the only kind Heidi will own, she saw Mommy Dearest one two many times ~so no wire hangers here)

She buttoned the top button of the shirt to insure when it dried the collar would not fall flat to the sides when put on.While Heidi was doing all of this..
SHE HEARD THIS IN HER HEAD...

LOL
OK FOLKS
lets start writing in the margin of our lives and books. Feelings are not bad things.


This is the Real Me and NOT Narrative Heidi.

I think We (I) Heidi, compensate for things in life. For Example. When we are jealous. The fact is the feeling is "why can't I?"

but instead of going to that, lets (i) Move to why we (I) feel the way WE (I) do. Lets get in touch with our feelings.

lets find words to express us (I).

for example.

(this is not made up but I thought i had. It may seem simple and stupid, but a feeling of being able describe a moment a time of the year)

You know the hot summer days. The days where the humidity is so high. Even when you just had a shower it feels as if it did not take?
then you go outside.
You are only outside for a matter of minutes. Decide to walk back in your house. As you open the door a blowing of UN-natural frigid air hits your face. The sweat on your face quickly evaporates. The bangs and sideburns of your hair gently blow back. then you feel COLD! How could you feel cold when minutes ago you were outside, and would have sworn that you were in the pits of a sauna?

I know I have just rambled. But I really want to open up a dialog. Communicate. I know I am not the only one that over feels or over thinks. OR MORE SO, NARRATES ONE LIFE!
Lets chat with ourself!
Heidi

Something To Chill Ya' Then Thrill Ya'!!

Well Folks, Jeez I can't believe that the fourth is here.  That means Christmas is very close, and even closer is Halloween.  The temps here in the midwest have hit 100 for 6 days in a row. with a brief break at 99, but before that we were at 103 If memory serves me right.

so with my brain half fried from the heat and the kids now out of school and home for the  feeding freenzy with an  an electronic device of some kind hooked on,  I think there is a Mommy Melt Down on the Horizon.

Trust me, I can hear the alarms!! the sirens are blaring.  It feels as if a nuclear reactor meltdown will be soon.  

I take deep breaths, and try to remember the bigger picture. (school starts in 6 weeks!!) just when you have 5 peeps living in a 940 square foot house and me trying to run a chinese dollie factory out of it, tensions run high.  On my part, the kids are great!

onto something THRILLING..I was going to present Chilling first but talking about my stress has stressed me out! so lets get scary out of the  away!

Now something to cool me down..a darn shame it ain't an iced martini bar.

but an original doll that I am in love with.

 

even though these two are so opposite they are so much alike.  Kinda like hubby and I. I think they would make good bed fellows.  

with the retro look, and outgoing attitude how can you separate them?

 

but I am, they are being sold separately

Happy 4th 

p.s My monthly friend is visiting, so just feeling very on edge..wish she would leave, but it does make me feel some what young I guess????

I guess I should feel happy she is here..because when she does not

return I am going to feel so rejected.

PSS

and you thought you had issues....

PSSS
I have more gray hairs...more like blinding white...

Another True Story From The Vault

I haven't been to the doctors in a while.  However I really do need to go to get my antidepressants refilled and my sleeping meds.  It is just last time I was there I was waiting to long in the room all by myself and started to read the pamphlets in the room.  My eyes gazed upon a breast cancer awareness poster that said 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer.  I started to do the math about all of the women that were in the doctors office, then I panicked and it occurred to me that I could be that 1 out of the 8.  By the time the nurse practitioner came in the room I was a hyperventilating mess showing her the poster...she sent me home with a script for Valium.

I have got tons more great stories about doctors and such..so stay tuned for more stories from the vault........

It Is A Good Thing....

People often ask me what I do for a living.  I try to think of all of things that I do, then I sum it up with

 " I am kind of like Martha Stewart, just on the poverty level."

As A Mom I Wear Many Aprons.
do I really wear aprons?????

yes..trying to bring back housewife chic back in style....(if there is such a thing...)

(however I don't consider myself a housewife for the simple fact I did not marry a house)

As most Moms do, Strong coffee starts my day

then I start on my chores.

Peace negotiator

 Personal Secretary

 Taxi Driver

 

 Gardener/Botanist

 

Chef/line cook

 

Sanitation Disposal Expert

 

 Seamstress/Primitive folk artist

 Thearpist

 

But at the end of the day I do take a moment for myself.

 Seriously, I love what I do, it just does not pay very well. 

don't get me wrong, refrigerator art, hugs and kisses are plenty of reward

(it is just wally world doesn't accept those forms of payement)

and lets face it folks, I love making dolls...but I am not making enough to feed my family and keep the lights on.

( the supplies and time, plus ebay and paypal fees leave me making my stuff for free most of the time)

 after 14 years out of the work force I am looking for a job.

My resume just isn't that impressive

the summary of qualification still read....

Currently CEO of Household operations. Able to handle many tasks with scheduling and peace keeping skills.   Mindful consideration of others, so all are happy.  Prompt problem/resolution crisis experience.  Able to multitask, and promptly deliver service, of course with a friendly outgoing, energetic attitude.  A keen eye for photography. Able to assemble and sew dolls/clothing.  Sculpting skills are minimal but possible. Able to write and do short stories.  Intermediate culinary skills.  I can do it all. I am MOM. 

Making More Lefts

No, Not Politically, But when Driving.  For years I have been a Nervous Nelly while driving most of  the time White knuckling it, holding my steering wheel as if I was on a amusement park roller coaster ride.  


I would often make 3 rights to get to my destination just so I would not have to make a left......


but, feeling more confident I am making lefts.

Just A Girl & Her flute

Gabby had a band concert...she has been playing the flute for three years now...anyway...I could not believe how grown up she looked.  It seems she is 13 going on 38 and I am 38 going on 13......

Liking Me !!

I have not liked me in a long time.

not my size..height...weight....social economic status...My personality ( I always Ask God)..."Why did you give me such a big mouth and make me so opinionated???????!!!!!. """


lol


You name It,
I took it for granted.


Now, I think life is great. I am gonna like me, and My life...I will make the best of it!!

Generally, I am the one behind the camera...found the confidence to go in front of the camera...

School Of thoughts

***updated...this rambling mess hopefully makes more sense now. In the midst of my tear stained face and blurry vision from crying like a baby I was just trying to get my thoughts down quickly as possible before I forgot it all.*****
P.S. I am originally from TEXAS..that explains the HUGE HAIR

Well, the familiar sight and sounds of the beginning of the school year are flying by at Warp Speed. When summer first started it seemed so long before the kids had to go back to school. With all of the Back to school Sales, cooler temps and signs of Autumn in the horizon, it is enough to give me butterflies!!

My Oldest, Christopher will be starting high school. Before my eyes he has transformed from my first born baby son to a young adult who is taller then me and has a very startling deep voice. I am asking HIM to lift heavy things for me and saw my spindles in half ; cheap labor, however the trade is pretty fair, free room and board, clothes, games, food, hot showers and i am the mom and thats that!!

With having
3 kiddos, all dispersed at different schools there is going to be alot of running around. Sophia in 2ND at the Elementary School. Gabby in 7Th at the Jr. high. Christopher in 9th at the High school, Open House was a blur and race to go from one school to the next with about 3 hours, it was an up hill battle.

It would have been more work too if Christopher did not insist that I should not go with him.

Mom (Me) : Why


Christopher: Mom...everyone will know I am a Freshman.



the last time he was in my eye sight he was high fiving it with a few friends saying "wuz Up" Then never saw him again.



**Sigh** i guess this means he is well adjusted....which is a good thing but i feel like he is a bird who just wants to fly out of the nest and i wonder if he knows how to use wings.

Gabby has decided to get a new look for the new year. Now that she is in middle school there are things that you can no longer wear because they are not "cool" So, Now she has got a new look. A whole new make over. I see her being so confident and really enjoying her self and not taking life to seriously. She is grown up way beyond I was at the age...or maybe ever will be.

Then My Baby....Sophia....My Greek goddess of Wisdom....her Name serves her well. She catches on so quick....and shoot, forget about spelling stuff out now if you don't won't her to understand. Also with having older siblings things that are now babyish for Gabby are now babyish for Sophia too. And what ever came from Gabby's wardrobe that was "cool" Sophia is like "I am wearing this the first day of school."

Going to open house with Sophia was wonderful. The smell of play dough crafts, little water fountains lining the walls. Friendly teachers who let little kids be kids. I saw Kids with bags of supplies and nervous parents asking lots of questions.
Now, I too am a nervous parent. but not with Sophia. She really can command attention and strive academically with out even trying to achieve to do so.
I took it all in feeling confident that we are going to be fine


All 3 of my kids are at 3 Different levels. Everything is so brand new and moving so fast at the same time. It seems like it will be slipping away soon. The kids become older and more independent with each passing day. I feel as though that I am just on the side lines to keep them in bounds and let them make the the best decisions that my husband and I have taught them , and if they veer out of bounds I am going to be the referee in their face, yelling, "DIDN'T I TEACH YOU DIFFERENT."

As a parent coming from an abusive household my main goal's to raise kids who are happy with themselves and have high self esteems and there is no limitations or boundaries they can do. To raise kids to come to us first before they go to their friends. And for me, is to be honest with them and to let them know what I really think and morally what matters and what doesn't.

I recently became one of the 85% of people who now own cell phones and have now become aware of the annoying mean messages kids can send.

I am also now aware of the possessive power that these phones can have over my children, It seems that they cannot live without them. I think they just need to get it implanted right by their ear, or better yet right in there hand. Both Chris And Gabby when carrying in groceries apparently have one arm they can use to bring in the groceries and the other for holding the phone, I am sure Awaiting an urgent phone call or text.



all in all.......................................


Life is Good..Gotta love it all...but with each passing second I am trying so hard to hang onto to what is going on now because the future is rapidly moving forward and the past is so often forgotten.

But here is to a new year. I am going to miss them dearly I may actually even feel lonely......BUT.....Their sleeping in all day, feeding frenzy while being plugged into a game system won't be missed.

I'll Keep...........

I will Keep My Guns & My Freedom
You Can Keep the Change
(if you want)

Me shooting a .30-30 Lever action.

sohpia and a bb gun




a pistol semi automatic 22








Hoping next time we visit we can shoot the AR and the shot gun..which frankly scares me!

No, I have not been hiding out in some bunker somewhere with my food rations....

Speaking of food however the garden has been a slow go with the weather.
it really has been a whirl wind, when spring started it was going along fine and dandy...then the midwest got pelted with major storms and lots of rain.

this year my goal for my garden is to harvest alot for canning . It will be hopefully a fun adventure.

We have been teaching the kids how to respect and handle guns. We visit a family friend and shoot on their land.

I will be finishing up a new dollie this week for sure!
Hope all are doing well

Heidi

I'm Gonna Wash That Gray Right Outta My Hair

I plucked my first gray hair off my head.

(does this mean 3 more will grow back?)

**Sigh**

I am no Jackie-O

HMPHHHH...

Well, I am not Jackie O,

Nope,

I have no Grace.

None I Tell ya..

This is the 2nd Halloween in the past 6 years that I have spent with a broken/sprained foot.

About 6 years ago I broke my foot pretty bad, just by jumping up and down when the Cardinals (baseball team) beat Arizona..(it could have been 7 years ago..)

Whelp, 2 days ago, by just simply walking down the steps, I slipped on a wet leaf...my ankle went under me, and I laid on the front side walk yelling for help!! (I felt like the lady in the commercials..Help, I have falling and I can't get up!!)

The neighbor ran out and assisted me inside my house. In the recliner I sat till hubby got home from work.

on another note..I CAN NOT CARVE PUMPKINS!! **sigh** I mean I try, I really do...

the other night I did give my best.

You know the books you buy..it comes with all of the tools and templates.

I followed instructions. transferred the pattern using the tool provided.

Did the eyes, the nose..then started to go around for the face, before I knew it, I cut out a perfect circle out of my pumpkin..and made a mask basically..(I was doing the skeleton pattern, the one marked the EASIEST!!)

GRRR..

to fix it..

just got a smaller pumpkin, did a very simple naive face and VIOLA!

Heidi

15 Years Ago Today....

15 Years Ago Today (well, actually from yesterday (Sept 22)

I Was 20

**SIGH**

I JUST WISH I KNOW WHAT I KNOW NOW AND HAD THE SAME BODY WHEN I WAS 20